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charlene: melody..HONEY!!!!!!!PLEASE TAKE IT ALITTLE EASIER ON UR SELF! ONLY UM CAN! I AM SOO SORRY I HAVEN'T VISISTED IN SO LONG BUT U SAID I HELPED U BEFORE! LET ME & OTHERS DO IT AGAIN! U DID NOT GET WHERE U R OVERNIGHT & WILL NOT GET TO UR DESTINATION OVERNIGHT BUT I ASSURE YOU, IT IS NOT GOD' WILL 4 U 2 SUFFER THIS WAY,IT IS FROM SATAN BECAUSE HE KNOWS GOD HAS A WONDERFUL PLAN 4 YOU!!!!!!! YOU R HERE TO BE USED BY GOD 2 REACH OTHERS! MY HAND IS ONLY A TOOL RIGHT NOW AND MOVING FAST..I'M NOT EVEN A TY
LWM: My Dear one no one ever truly dies, they just move forward but they are awaiting us. Your journey is still in the making as is your grandmothers grab it, experience it and soon enough you will all be joined together again laughing, talking and huging once more. Bless you I am here for you always just an e mail away
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DeviilsNeedLove2: Hope you're feeling better today.
DevilsNeedLove2: I actually just got you on there. Hee hee. I dunno but last time I logged in to my journal I was having all sorts of problems. I couldn't even make any new posts. But everything seems to be working fine now. Are you having problems sleeping, too?
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DevilsNeedLove2: I'd love to be added to your friends list! Can I add you, too? You'll be my very first friend. =) I will check back in with you later and read your new blog. Right now I have to go get my work out in. Blarg! Take care.
DevilsNeedLove2: I've actually been trying to add a couple new posts the last two nights, but every time I try to make a new entry, it tells me the system failed to log me in. No idea what's going on. Boo. I promise to take a closer look at your blog in the next few days. Been busy. Thanks for stopping by again!
DevilsNeedLove2: Hey, thanks for stopping by my journal. I'm glad you liked what you found there. =)
Valerie: Hi there. I'm making a depression newsletter and I wondered if I might use excerpts from your blog or if you would care to share a story. Visit my link for more info. No obligation. I hope most of all that you feel better soon. Peace.
Renee: Hey hun I finally updated. Am thinking of you and missing you. I hope that you find some time to smile and know that you are loved.
Cat: Hey. It has been a very long time. E-mail me or something.
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Renee: Hey hun ~ I closed my Passionate Poet account and this is my new one! Just wanted you to add this link! Thinking of you and missing you!
LWM: Out for my weekly blog drive thought I’d drop by your place and say Hi. Come see a our family member to be when you get a chance.
Renee: Thinking of you ~ maybe you could send me your email and we could try it that way. Updated a small amount. Am missing you and hope that you are smiling. I love you xoxoxox
LWM: Stopping by to say Hi Come visit me when you can
Renee: The email is linked on my name ~ maybe I sent it wrong knowing me lol ~ try this again ~ lillycreations@gmail.com ~ I love you so much.

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Thursday, February 4th 2010

11:03 PM (209 days, 17h, 23min ago)

Mindless Ramble

  • Mood: Depressed
  • Sound: My fish tank
  • Quote: Who gives a shit...

Almost 11:00PM got sick people in the house...I am one of them...though I am to busy running in between everyone else to even care to take care of myself...yes, I know...stupid right, because in the end if I don't take care of myself how can I take care of anyone else...I get it, I know it...HOWEVER...it doesn't change the fact that regardless of if I know that, everyone else still needs to be taken care of, or helped out, or problems fixed...and by the end of the day I am just to tired and worn out...I feel like I am spreed entirely too thin...I am the taffy and I have been stretched so far that you can see through me, any more stretching and I will break...

I have been struggling lately with SI thoughts and urges...it never truly goes away...you can go an hour, a day, a month, or years without hurting yourself...and still the thoughts are there...the urges are there...they never go away...some times they lessen but eventually they come back full force...almost 4 years in Ca. and only one or two major SI incidents...and now everything in me wants to say screw it and just rip away at my skin....instead I will just starve...or puke...at least it doesn't leave visible scars...I've done that so many years off and on that it is easy enough to pass off as stress, or intense pain and so incapable of eating, or just make sure there are times when no one is looking and you can say you ate then...

I am tired...I just want something to go right...anything...

I love my family...love them with all my heart and soul...they are my life...my entire world...but sometimes it feels like the world around me is crumbling and there is nothing I can do...it makes me feel helpless and I hate feeling helpless....

11:00 PM now...fifteen minutes until I have to get my love up for work...I need to go get things together for her...I should be able to go to sleep between 1:30 and 2:00 but I'll be up again by 5:00...and so my days go...little sleep and much stress...

To many days are spent wishing I could disappear but not wanting to be without those three precious angels in my life...so many conflicting feelings, and thoughts...

Again I say...tired, worn out, stretched thin...

~You know who~

0 WHISPER.

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