I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle! ~Alice In Wonderland~
Caterpillar: Who... are... you?
Alice: Why, I hardly know, sir. I've changed so much since this morning, you see...
Caterpillar: I do not see. Explain yourself.
Alice: I'm afraid I can't explain myself, you see, because I'm not myself, you know.
Caterpillar: I do not know.
Alice: I can't put it any more clearly, sir, because it isn't clear to me.
by and read the new ALBs message if your interested . it may help to understand what the heck is going on around us all 
Come see the beggar that came to my door when you get a chance. 
thought I’d drop by your place and say Hi. Come see a our family member to be 
when you get a chance.
I am feeling claustrophobic in my own body. Ever felt like that before? It is not pleasant. It makes you feel like you are not human…
I don’t know what to do any more…I’ve said that before…and I will say it again undoubtedly…but the fact remains…I don’t know what to do any more…I keep doing something…but it must be the wrong thing…I change what I do (sometimes…let’s not fool ourselves, I am not that compliant…I don’t always change…but I do try)…but it must never be the right way…because it doesn’t really get better.
My head hurts so much. I have so many headaches right now and I know it isn’t anything major like a brain tumor or anything…it is just all the static in my mind…it is so loud…I have so many “thoughts” you might say just screaming and yelling and crying and fussing and……
I screwed up last week…I took way to much of some medicine that I should not have taken more than 1 or 2 of…I know…stupid…don’t remind me…I could kick myself…I haven’t done shit like this in awhile…but so much is happening…
I know…could I be any more vague…I don’t even feel safe writing in my own journal…this was my safe haven for a while…I use to write here 4 and 5 times a day…shoot I use to write 4 and 5 times in 2 hours here…and about all kinds of crap…and now I am forever afraid that someone is going to stumble across it and “discover” what is really going on inside of me…I hate being me sometimes…but then I think, would it really be any better being someone else…I don’t think there is a person in the world who isn’t screwed up in some way or another…I know my problems and issues aren’t the worst of them…but they are friggen horrible and awful to me…
I HATE…i hate…something…I don’t know what…that’s just one of the many feelings I have roaming around inside right now…
I want so much to just pour my soul out with my writing…and I can’t…I use to be able to…good lord I have journal entries in my paper and hard back journals where I would write 20, 30, 40 pages front and back just one entry…It use to be the best release I could find…the older I get…the more life happens…the more that release just fades away…I miss it…I miss it a lot…but no matter what I do to try and write…it just doesn’t come back…not like it was…
I am tired…I tried…I tried to write to release the tension and confusion and frustration inside…but it was just a flop tonight…sorry…maybe I’ll try again later on…
Mmm…Bye
I've been uncomfortable in my own skin many many times, to the point where I wish I could rip it all off. I've been in some dangerous places before. You're right in that being someone else wouldn't really change anything. I have found a lot of my unhappiness has come from listening to all the bad shit other people have made me believe about myself. I think a lot of people are unhappy simply because they haven't accepted everything they are. I think that's why I'm unhappy a lot of the time. But I'm getting there, better and better. I hope you do, too.
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