Aaron Tippin

He'd say you've got to stand for something
or you'll fall for anything.
You've got to be your own man,
not a puppet on a string.
Never compromise what's right,
and uphold your family name.
You've got to stand for something
or you'll fall for anything.

---

What do you stand for? That is a question I asked myself today. I have let people walk all over me most of my life. So many things have changed these last 3 years and no longer do people just march right over me; I do not allow it. Yet, there are still some who I can not stand up to...there are still some who I feel as though I am a puppet on a string for. Most the time I don't care because it is still so much better than it use to be...but then there are times that those stupid emotions get the better of me and I hate myself for not being better, for just backing down, and somehow, so far I have convinced myself that it's just a moment in time let it pass and life wont get interrupted and no one will get upset.

What do I stand for? I don't know. I do know that I don't stand for violence to children or animals. It is horrible and sick to hurt a living creature be they human or animal and I cannot stand for it. I do not stand for hurting people you love then apologizing and then doing it again over and over and over until you destroy that person and trap them in a neverending circle of torment.

I sit here and think what else I do not stand for so possibly I could be led to what I do stand for...but the more I think the more I find myself saying "well...I don't like this or that...but I can't say I don't stand for it because I cowar down in a corner somewhere to insecure to not stand for it..." does that mean that I do stand for it? I do not like that thought...that's one of those *OUCHIE--below the belt* hits that you give yourself

I try to tell myself on occassions "look how far you have come, look what you have accomplished, look where you are compared to where you were, look at how much progress you have made..." but it always comes down to "but it still doesn't seem like enough"...it hasn't reach that ultimate goal...I know we will all forever remain a *work in progress* at least until we make our home in eternity wherever it shall be...but at least you should find that place where even though you do not stop working and progressing for *betterment* at least you find contentment with yourself and with your life. I can truly say I have contentment with the *people* I have in my life on a daily basis now...More than contentment if you ask me...but what about being content with yourself...being able to say "hey, I'm me and that's okay...in fact that's pretty damn good..." *sigh*...

It is getting late...and I have to get up a few hours before the kids do in order to prepare for the hectic and crazy morning to begin...so...

...Until Next Time...Sleep well my friends!

I've spent a very large part of my life wishing I could be as mean as those around me, thinking that that's what it took to be able to take care of myself. I've recently started thinking that the more I accept myself exactly the way I am, the closer I move to being able to open my mouth when I feel like I need to. In a way, I think continually being angry at yourself for being scared to do and say the things you want is only victimizing yourself further. Your being nice is not a fault. Other people taking advantage of that doesn't somehow make their meanness your responsibility. It's hard to keep from being walked on, and it's confusing as all hell to have to stand up for yourself or what you think is right. Don't be so hard on yourself if it takes some work and getting used to. And always remember to consider the source when dealing with those meanies. =)

Nice entry. I think you raise some important issues to think about. ;)