Just a compilation of different things I am feeling and thinking today, and yesterday, and tomorrow...and who knows when else...it's been hard...long...messy...and exhausting...I just needed a safe place to share...but when I got here to my journal I had no words...so I began to go through my poetry...there is so much more...but some stood out...and struck a chord...some took me back to the day and I hate to think that I feel so much like I did on those days...some just made me reflect...they all come from the same place though...inside my mind...my heart...
Feelings
Melody Dawn
Splitting head, aching heart,
pain within, my souls been shot.
Crying eyes, screaming mouth,
but noone hears, no one sees...
The tears I cry, the screams I scream.
Trembling hands, what's happening?
Shameful mind, why won't it stop?
Bitter poison, drink of death.
Breathing life, walking dead,
pain within, aching heart,
splitting head.
You know the way you feel when you feel you couldn't possibly feel another drop...well, I do too. Sometimes the past and present become so overwhelming...
Sick within
Melody Dawn
Sick within
feelings coming out
sick within
i wanna scream
i wanna shout
sick within
no truth around me
can be found
sick within
these demons round
my soul do hound
sick within
and all alone at that
sick within
i smell a dirty rat
sick within
no-one knows the facts
sick within
is my mind deceiving me
sick within
feelings coming out
sick within
i wanna scream
i wanna shout
sick within
i'm dieing
can anyone see
i'm sick within
i no longer want
to be me
sick within
the end
That Girl
Mel
I'm looking at that girl
the one who angers me.
always in the middle
wont just let things be.
She tries to talk,
why wont she shutup!
she makes us hurt,
so we make her cut.
I look at her, that same girl,
and wonder why she even tries.
what's the point in all of this?
why wont she lay it down and let us die?
I see that girl, she stares back at me
She says something I don't understand.
She says she feels the hurt
Then se gives us her hand.
Why does she try to confuse us so?
Why wont she leave us be and let us go?
I'm looking at that girl.
Severed
Mel
Close your eyes,
now picture it.
Do you see her standing there.
A severed girl about 14
with cloudy eyes
and deep brown hair.
She is standing all alone
in a very empty room.
No windows in, no windows out
but she stands before a door
and she is full of gloom and doom.
The walls were once stark shite,
they had roses painted there.
But once upon a time did die
a long long time ago.
Now stained are all her walls
and no roses do you see.
For when once upon a time did die
The door closed, and life ceased to be.
The pretty roses disappeared.
What once was white and pure
is now dirty and reeks of fear.
No clarity, no sanity,
No purity will you find here.
Still picturing the severed girl
standing frozen before the door.
When you look at her you see no life.
She is a life size plastic doll.
Her homely little summer dress
use to shine a pretty blue
but years of silence and darkness
have smothered all t'was bright.
Now she stands there frozen
she has no strength nor might.
See, when once upon a time did live
the girl glowed bright like the pretty blue
but night settled in and the demons did appear.
The battle began but silent screams you cannot hear.
The door began to close,
and the fairy tale came to an end.
She held tightly to the door knob
refusing to retreat.
She fought and struggled hard for ages
to keep the door from closing
but the demons locked her deep within
and took away strength.
They killed her once upon a time
so she stands here frozen today,
just inches from the closed door.
She knows the barrier on the other side
has become far to strong.
She is a hopeless, lifeless severed girl
who's fairy tale went very wrong.
Do you see her yet...
the severed girl...
Standing all alone there?
Do you see her yet...
The severed girl,
Locked away within my mind?
The demons threw away her key,
and she has no life inside.
Do you think that you could spare the time
to help me find the match.
Please help me find the closed door's key.
Please help me let her out.
Please help me past the barrier
that blocks the doorway there.
I don't know that she will make it.
She's been alone for such a long time.
But I hope she'll smile from the fresh air,
and the roses and pretty new dress.
I hope she'll breath again
and let us help her past this mess.
So once upon a time did die
When the girl's door closed tight.
And now that she's to weak
she needs some help to fight.
Her fairy tale went very wrong
And will never live again.
If the door would open is it possible
For a new fairy tale to begin?
7:33
Mel
Bleed me dry
empty me out
tears scream
voices shout
no longer present
i'm fading away
it's what i've wanted
for the longest days
so bleed me dry
empty me out
hide the tears
and silence the shouts
retreat to your mask
so others can smile
fade into the distance
so things aren't so vile.
bleeding tears
crying blood
emptying out
the inner flood
one day
when we go to bleed
we'll find dry veins
then the monster
can no longer feed
can no longer feed
off yesterdays pain
but today
we bleed me dry
empty me out
hear tears scream
and voices shout
the monster wins
one more round
while shame settles in
and guilt pounds down
but one day, remember,
we'll go to bleed
we'll find dry veins
and the monster will
no longer feed
no longer feed
off yesterdays pain.
Beneath the tree
Melody Dawn
sitting beneath her favorite tree
the weeping willow gently swings
side to side; back and forth
swaying with the summer breeze.
sitting beneath her favorite tree
thinking upon the memories
letting her mind drift far away
into a land of yesterday.
witting beneath her favorite tree
no longer to dwell in this world
she long ago slipped from reality
now trapped in a world of bitter sweet.
sitting beneath her favorite tree
in a world that once defined safety
now chaos and darkness lurk around
and the truth is she will never be found.
sitting beneath her favorite tree
the weeping willow begins to leak
as moisture falls to touch her skin
she looks to see the blood stained me.
sitting beneath her favorite tree
the drops of blood like acid free
and burn away the outter her
to reveal what's left; the inner me.
sitting beneath her favorite tree
now I feel and look and see
and quickly turn to stone and break
she dide and left me as the prey.
sitting beneath her favorite tree
crumbled and broken stone you see
that is all that now remains
of the weeping willows silent pain.
Now I am going to bed....
My Bed Time Prayer
Mel
Now I lay me down to bed
I pray these nightmares leave my head
I hope I make it through the night
Please God don't let me lose this fight
And now you hear my inner child
She's praying loud to you
Please don't let me lose her God
I'm begging this of you
SHe's lost and scared and all alone
She has nowhere else to go
And God I don't know how to help
I've hit my all time low.
So please Dear Lord, I beg you now
Please take her home with you
She's scared down here, and so am I
We are the deepest shade of blue
I'm afraid of what's ahead
but more afraid of what's behind
So God please hear our bed time prayer
This inner child's and mine.
NOw I lay me down to bed
I pray these nightmares leave my head
I hope I make it through the night
Please God don't let me lose this fight.
© DawnsLight85 2007
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